Let me paint a picture of Companionship for you through a few important words.
TWO means ... Never Alone
This painting, called Never Alone by Beth Lenderman, captures the concept of Companionship quite well. I see this kind of posture between two people quite often during the Passing of the Peace at Mt. Olive. It's more than just a brief word and a nod.
Often folks will linger a bit together, side by side. Something sensitive and important is shared. With a slight hug of support. Perhaps more face to face conversation after the service. Or a phone call on the way home.
We don't need training to practice Companionship. It actually is a very natural and human response. If we lean into the kind of love that Jesus taught to his disciples ... teaches to us, his disciples today.
There is, perhaps, a need right now to practice more Social Distancing than this. But nothing about Social Distancing is discouraging careful, safe conversation between two people. All it takes is TWO People. And ONE Lord.
I love the number 2 that is in between Pathways and Promise in Pathways2Promise.org.
ONE is certainly the most important number in all of the Bible, in all of Creation. But ONE is most important, most wise, most beneficial when it refers to God, the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit as … ONE. As Paul says in Ephesians4: There is ONE body and ONE Spirit, just as you were called to ONE hope when you were called; ONE Lord, ONE faith, ONE baptism; ONE God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.
But we perhaps honor the ONE best whenever TWO or three are gathered in the name of the ONE. At least that's what Jesus tells us in Matthew 18:19 “Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” Jesus seemed to believe that TWO was a powerful and important number.
SIDE by SIDE means we walk as equals
Can you see the line between the two birds? This is two different paintings on two different canvases. But if they weren’t SIDE BY SIDE, what a very different feeling each painting would evoke separately. Separately, each painting is lonely, incomplete.
Companionship, and the words from Jesus above, suggest that alone we often feel lonely, incomplete. We certainly need our "Heavenly Other" to feel more complete, more connected. We need the ONE. We need God. But Jesus also adds human "others" to his mathematical equation. We need TWO, or even three.
And I will submit to you that Jesus taught this important lesson to his disciples as well. Learn to walk as EQUALS. Side by side means that one is not first and the other is last. Side by side means that one is not more important and the other less. Side by side means that one is not just the teacher and the other just the student. Side by side means we can each learn from the other. That we can each benefit from the presence of the other. That we each, in some way, need the other to better understand what God wants ... for BOTH of us.
I need a painting ... well, TWO paintings like this to remind me. Companionship helps my life become more fulfilled. And companionship with those the world may not see as my equal ... are often the most fulfilling relationships of all.
A CIRCLE of CARE sidesteps the Trap of Dependency
As the father of a child with Autism, I attended a Faith and Disability conference a few years ago. The presenter drew a SMALL circle and said. That’s US.
The INDIVIDUAL.
You or me. Or our child.
Then he drew a SLIGHTLY LARGER circle around it and said. That’s US. The FAMILY. You or me AND our child. AND our Family.
This is our close and intimate circle. They know the best about us. And the worst about us. And hopefully, stick with us anyway. But that’s not always a given.
Then he drew a STILL LARGER CIRCLE around that and said. That’s US. Inside of a circle of CLOSE FRIENDS and EXTENDED FAMILY. These are the people who have walked with us through the difficulties and challenges of life and we trust them to be with us if a crisis comes again.
And hopefully they like us.
And we like them.
And that’s the glue that helps draw us back together again and again. But that glue, perhaps, for children like ours, doesn’t always work.
On one side.
Or the other.
Our kids may not be able to understand, navigate or build these relationships. Or they do, at least a little bit. But may come across as too needy or too vulnerable and so they keep feeling rejected.
Then he drew a MUCH LARGER CIRCLE around that and said. That’s US. Inside of a circle of ACQUAINTANCES in our local COMMUNITY. We get a lot of attention and stimulation in these relationships, even if they don’t have a lot of depth.
That Community allows us to feel like we are a valuable part of something larger than ourselves. Our kids, he said. Rarely have this at all. Most communities are not designed to embrace their abilities as valuable.
So, in most communities, our kids feel forgotten at best. Often neglected, even belittled. Dismissed. And, at worst, because they can’t defend themselves, because they often can’t verbally express what happens to them, they get abused. And sometimes we never know it. Except that they behave in ways that we don't understand.
Then he drew a HUGE CIRCLE around everything and said.
That’s US.
Inside of an INSTITUTIONAL CIRCLE.
These are the institutions that we all participate in. These are contracted relationships. Hospitals, schools, doctors, therapists, teachers, administrators, counselors, social workers, police, crisis workers, and maybe even our customers at work. There is a professional distance expected during these interactions.
And yet, our children often have closer relationship, a closer connection with these institutional individuals, these contracted helpers, than their friends, extended families, their own church and their own neighbors within their own community.
And then he said it.
We ALL.
Need ALL.
Of these circles to thrive.
Take even one away and life begins to feel more than a little broken.
And that’s when I realized. More than anything else in the world. I have been working with my son on growing these CIRCLES of CARE around him.
And helping him engage more and more independently within each of these circles. And it has created an EXPECTED. And an UNEXPECTED. Result.
I hoped that my intuitive approach within each CIRCLE would help him grow and thrive and flourish. And I think it has. Beyond all of my hopes and expectations. I believe that these Circles of Care have benefitted him greatly. Maybe not as EXPECTED. For it is certainly more than I ever could have hoped.
But there was also something UNEXPECTED I soon discovered. I benefitted at least as much from growing his CIRCLE of CARE, OUR Circle of Care.
The quality of my own Circles has grown at least as much as his have grown.
What blesses him, blesses me too. A
nd I find myself not only hoping even better things for him.
I also find myself hoping, even expecting greater things for myself.
The CIRCLE of CARE is never just a vital resource for the “other”, for the care “receiver”. The CIRCLE of CARE is a vital resource for us all. And the more we realize this. The less we see ourselves as a Care “Giver”. And more and more.
As a Care “Sharer”. Because. In a Circle of Care. We always walk. As equals.
Whether we fully realize it. Or not.
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